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You belong to me

If this had happened ten years ago, I'd have stood up to sing Taylor Swift's "Speak Now".

"He's finally married." Charles, my husband, whispered in my ear as he used his middle finger to tuck my hair behind my ear.

"Of course he is," I smiled back at him and focused my attention back on my best friend, who looked happy getting married to his high school girlfriend.

His eyes found mine, and we both smiled and made funny faces at each other. When he looked back at Amelia, who looked like a princess as always, I couldn't help but think about how I always dreamt that would be me. Well... until Charles came into the picture.

"Hey Bestie." Alex kissed my cheek from behind, in the library where I was struggling to complete my assignment and figure out a topic for Mrs. Reynolds to talk to the grade two about.

BESTIE — that's what Alex calls me almost all the time, maybe so I could let it sink in my head that that was all we were... "Best Friends" — nothing more, nothing less. But you know, I might as well say this, that's just simply what I am to Alex and not him to me... Yes, I don't see Alex as just my best friend; Alex has been the only guy I've loved in all my life.

"Hi Alex." I took off my glasses and headphones, knowing fully well work was done. Now I see why students were happy when they found out Miss Sandy was absent today. The library is open for everyone, and no one would complain of noise today.

"You look tired." Alex used his white handkerchief to wipe the sweat dots on my face. "Tough work?" He put the handkerchief back in his pocket.

Every work is tough work once it's from Mrs. Reynolds," I honestly replied.

"What did she ask you to do this time?"

"Well, apparently, second grade has a talk show on Friday, and she needs me to help her come up with something. She claims she doesn't want to bore them by sounding old." Even though we all know she's old, I completed in my mind.

"I guess that's what happens when you're your Aunt's favorite student." Alex wore a smug smirk, and I just groaned in response.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but I really hate it."

"Her being your Aunt or you being her favorite student?"

"Both. I'm Mr. John's favorite student too, and he also makes me do extra work. I just want to be a normal student. I don't even want anyone to know my name." I'm sure I sounded so frustrated, but trust me, you would too if you were in my shoes.

"Just in case you haven't noticed, Sugar, there's no normal student in our high school." Alex wasn't teasing me; even I know it was true. "You're either famous for being an athlete or a football and basketball player, or for being a cheerleader, or being that boring nerd that's the bully's favorite toy, or just like in your case, for being a nerd who has a family working in the school and is loved by all teachers."

"But I don't want that." I cut Alex off from saying whatever else he had to say. I didn't sign up for all these.

"It wasn't and still isn't up for debate, Jenna... that's just how it works here."

The silence that followed was quick and very needed. I took a deep breath and packed my bag. Alex's frustrated sigh was what made me stop what I was doing.

"You OK?"

"I've never been OK since I started dating her."

"Amelia?"

I was answered by Alex's duh? face. Even I knew that was a stupid question. Who else was he dating?

"Just break up with her, Al. I hold nothing against her, but if she stresses you that much, you should seek your mental peace by ending it." And not take it up again. I said that last sentence in my head... but truly, they've broken up and come back together like what? Twenty times...

"I can't, Jenna... it isn't easy. She's a whole lot to handle, but she needs me so much. All her life, she never had anyone to stick up for her, and she finally has me. I've made promises I don't want to break. And I love her."

CRACK! CRACK!! CRACK!!! — that was my heart breaking. For a lot of reasons, I say.

Yeah, true, I know Amelia is a lot to handle. I know that because she was once my best friend. Amelia and I were once inseparable; everyone knew we were best friends. But everything changed two years ago when she joined the cheerleaders and became the captain. At first, she still hung out with me and begged me to join her, but knowing fully well I wouldn't, I guess she got tired and got herself new friends to maintain that new social life she had just gotten.

That was the beginning of our issues, but it became worse when I found out she had a crush on Alex. She alone knew about my feelings for him, and so I think her falling in love with him was just to hurt me. She broke our friendship and decided to break my heart. As a cheerleader, she was mostly always with Alex since he was the captain of the football team. Now try imagining how I always feel when I watch my best friend on the field and see my ex-best friend staring at him with love.

Cutting the story short, I felt and still do feel like Taylor Swift when she sang "You Belong To Me", because though I am Alex's best friend and I love him, fine, he loves me in the best way possible, but he still loves someone else in another way and isn't trying to hide it. I should be the one he should be in love with... I'm the one who knows him, his family, his favorite song, drink, food, color, I know his dreams and fears... I know everything about him. And kill me, I'm always the one he comes crying to whenever he and Amelia break up.

"She's calling." Alex rose to his feet, staring at his phone. "We'll see later. Don't go home without me. I'm dropping you off, remember?" I nodded my head like the faithful dog I was.

"Good. Love you." He kissed my forehead and disappeared.

"I never believed he was going to end up with Amelia." Charles had both hands on the steering wheel, driving us home.

"I know, right. They could never have been together for two months without breaking up."

"Exactly. I always thought if my little brother was going to end up with someone, it was going to be... never mind." Charles sounded so desperate to change the topic. He shouldn't have brought it up in the first place, and he knows.

"I love you, hunny, but I'm sure you didn't just tell me 'never mind.'" I imitated him. One of the funny common things between my husband and I was that neither of us would ever let a 'never mind' slide.

"Aaarghh fine." Now my thirty-one-year-old husband was acting more childish than our baby girl. "I always just thought Alex would have ended up getting married to you." Charles threw a scared look my way before returning his gaze back to the road.

"Me?"

"Yeah. With the way he always got into a fight with me whenever I spoke about my feelings for you, if I was a betting person, I'd have bet odds you were getting married." He laughed. "And I know you also let that thought in your head a lot of times." His smile faded away, and I couldn't tell if he was joking or if his insecurities were back.

I sighed and turned to the back to pick up Nora, our toddler, who had been listening attentively — I believe — to our conversation, which Charles just looked at me from the mirror.

"I'm not going to deny the fact that I once loved Alex. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. But then, he was a lost cause. I knew I could never have him, and who cries over a bottle of milk when you have a whole pizza and a bucket of ice cream with you?" Nora's whines interrupted me, and Charles and I laughed. "Well, except Nora," I continued.

"Whatever happened was way before I fell in love with you. I don't know how I didn't realize it before, you know, during the whole time I was chasing something that wasn't mine but I don't care honey. Look, I love you, I love Nora, I love us, I love our family and trust me, the moment you came into the picture, you won my whole heart.... I never was one that could do two things at once, I gave you my love and gave it all to you. I know you still do feel somehow but believe me when I say, I'll never trade what I have with what doesn't belong to me. I belong to you and you Belong to me".

I ended my speech and Charles surprised me by parking the car in the garage I didn't know we've reached and kissed me.

The kiss though was rushed, was full of love and passion. We didn't speak a word, the only thing that could be heard was Nora giggles.

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